What is a plan? To me, a plan is a way I try to feel more in control of life. Making a plan where I predict my own future takes my anxiety away from the unknown.

A plan can be a good tool to have, like a grocery list or a budget to pay your bills.

My whole life, I’ve done nothing but plan. I planned daily, monthly, and even yearly schedules. I’ve written addiction recovery plans, I’ve planed outlines of my future life and even how I would make $8,000 in 6 months!

My whole life I’ve ran around like a headless chicken, stressed out, trying to control everything. And when something didn’t go according to my plan I would feel the world was crumbling underneath me and I was going to end up as a hopeless drug addict. Now let me tell you this.

I figured out this year, that planning out life was my security blanket—self-deception. We as humans hate not being in control. We hate being ‘in the air’, so we feel the need to grab on to something!

I don’t know if you’ve ever met somebody who didn’t plan. Have you ever hung out with them? These people don’t plan, and don’t worry. They let life happen to them; they don’t fight it! These types of people tend to be social, take risks and seek adventure. They don’t plan, instead they take action.

The double edge sword.

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Planning can be super productive, but like all double edge swords it also has its negatives.

Planning can lead to stress, worry and a lot of missed opportunities, but when you don’t plan you open yourself up to adventure and happiness. You acknowledge you’re not in control of life, and you also acknowledge that it’s okay to live this way.

I have stopped planning because everything I planned for seemed to end up getting turned, flipped up, twisted down and set up sideways; things never worked out for me and actually ended up worst.

Why I decided to let go

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According to a previous plan, by junior year I was supposed to have a couple scholarships and great new friends. Instead I lasted only 2 terms in college and went home home because my depression and loneliness got so bad. I was burnt out from struggling in school and battling addiction. I currently have zero scholarships, no friends, and gained a lot of weight. See where planning got me? Now Im not complaining! If anything Im happy I hit rock bottom because life taught me so many lessons about myself and stripped me of all the luggage I carried around with me for years.

Planning has its time and place. But planning life is like trying to capture a whale with a fishing pole and put it in a jar. It’s too big, and you’ll work yourself up just to end up in the same place where you started.

Instead, take life it day by day. Life is very unexpected and can change from one minute to the next. Just keep your faith in God and say, alright, whatever this day brings for me, I’m ready.