What is a plan? To me, a plan is a way I try to feel more in control of life. A plan takes my anxiety away from the unknown. A plan makes me feel prepared for what is to come.
A plan can be a good tool to have; Grocery list or a system to pay your bills.
My whole life, I’ve done nothing but plan. I planned daily, monthly, and even yearly schedules. I’ve written NoFap plans, I’ve planed outlines of my future life and even how I would raise $8,000 in 6 months!
My whole life I’ve ran around like a headless chicken, stressed out, trying to make sure everything went “according to plan”. And when something didn’t go according to my “plan” I would feel the world was crumbling underneath me and I was going to end up as a hopeless drug addict. Now let me tell you this.
I figured out this year, that planning out life was my security blanket; self-deception. We as humans hate not being in control. We hate being ‘in the air’, so we feel the need to grab on to something!
I don’t know if you’ve ever met somebody who didn’t planned. Have you ever hung out with them? These people don’t plan, and don’t worry. They let life happen to them; they don’t fight it! These types of people tend to be social, take risks and seek adventure. They carry this energy with them that allows you to be yourself when your around them.
I’ve met people in the past like this. These people tend to struggle in school because they don’t plan for tests, finals, or assignments, but outside of school they are very social, experimental, spontaneous and happy. They are happy with whatever is in front of them at the moment. They live in the moment.
The Double Edge Sword
Planning can be super productive, but like all double edge swords it can also be very destructive.
Planning can lead to stress and worry and a lot of missed opportunities, but when you don’t plan you open yourself up to adventure and happiness. You acknowledge you’re not in control of life, and you also acknowledge that it’s okay to live this way.
I stopped planning this month because everything I planned for ended up getting turned, flipped up, twisted down and set up sideways; things never worked out for me and actually ended up worst.
According To My Last Plan
According to a previous plan, I was supposed to be a junior in college right now. I was supposed to have a couple scholarships and great new friends. Instead I lasted only 2 terms last year and went home home because my depression and loneliness got so bad. I was burnt out from struggling in school and battling addiction. I currently have zero scholarships, no friends, no job, and gained a lot of weight. See where planning got me? Now Im not complaining! If anything Im happy I hit rock bottom because life taught me so many lessons about myself and stripped me of all the luggage I carried around with me for years!
First Time Not Planing
My life since January 2017 has been different. Very unexpected, and stressful. I realized that the reason why it was stressful was because I never put my ‘planning’ away.
So I go tiered and pretty much haven’t planned anything this month. Life has just been happening to me on a daily basis. And I’m okay with that. I’m relieved and happy to know that it’s okay to not know what awaits me in an hour
Planning has its time and place. But planning life is like trying to capture a whale with a fishing pole and put it in a jar. It’s too big, and you’ll work yourself up just to end up in the same place where you started.
Instead, take it day by day. Life is very unexpected and can change from one minute to the next. Just keep your faith in God and say, alright, whatever this day brings for me, I’m ready.