Addiction has been something that has lived with me for a long time. I had no idea what it was that came into my house every night and took me hostage, nor did I know that its intent was on killing me slowly. I was naïve until I was a junior in high school.
I remember the day I found out that porn was a serial killer out to destroy my life but that it disguised its self as my best friend.
One day, I was lying in bed scrolling the internet like always. For many weeks now, I had felt empty inside. I felt depressed, sad, stuck, dying, alone, and anxious at all times. I didn’t understand what was causing me to feel this way, and like any question I wanted answered quick, I googled it.
(Photo taken from google)
I googled the symptoms that I was suffering, and while scrolling through chat rooms and websites of people asking these questions, I ran into a question what was asked by somebody in a yahoo website. The guy listed all the symptoms I had, and asked if they had anything to do with him masturbating. Instantly that caught my attention because I had always masturbated, chronically, and here there was somebody mentioning my deepest darkest secret alongside all the other symptoms I had.
I continue reading and ran into something called nofap. “Nofap?”. I google that too, and that day I found out two things that would change my life forever. I found out what a backstabbing, narcissistic demonic lying spirit that porn was. I also found out that I was an addict who had been slowly dying since the age of 8, but had no idea! Or mabye I was just in denial.
After that day, I stayed up for many nights in a row, reading and researching about porn addiction, maybe, symptoms, causes, consequences, solutions, and life after addiction.
This life-after addiction sounded amazing!! Friends, high self-esteem, confidence, freedom!!!!!!
And from then forward, what awaited me was the longest life changing journey I would embark on. Four years of pure suffering every day and night to be exact. A journey full of ups, downs, mental breakdowns, tears, joy, blessings, losing friends, risks, loneliness, losing myself, finding myself, and ultimately finding my freedom.