Desire is the seed, and success is the tree.
Facing my fears was something that took many years to learn how to do and it started by tackling my biggest fear of all: opening up about my addiction.
Now, it’s not bad to have fear. It’s completely normal, its Human! But when you feel fear, and hide away just wishing for your problems to disappear, then that’s when the monster in the closet grows legs and starts to make its way into your daily life.
Last year 2016, I hit a breaking point. I was in my dorm, with the lights off, in bed on a Friday at 3pm. I was on YouTube, and ran across a video of a kid not much older than 19. This kid was traveling the world, kayaking in caves, skydiving thousands of feet up in Dubai, and scuba diving in the ocean with exotic fish. He did all this in a span of a couple of days…. I saw life in him. A love for life. That was when I found out that there was much more to life than I ever knew! And It was because of these bloggers that I found the best of life.
(THIS VIDEO IS NOT MINE OR MADE BY ME! BORROWED FROM YOUTUBE-JACKSGAP)
Now, I wanted an exciting life just like these kids(young adults) on YouTube. I wanted to make up the 12 years that I had lost to this addiction, but in order to upgrade my life, I had to upgrade myself.
How?? Where do I start?
Well, for me, I realized that I couldn’t grow or move forward until I broke the chains tied around my ankles that were holding me back! We all have chains, and mine happened to be porn addiction, internet addiction, comparing myself with others, and running from my insecurities. I lived with a mask on. Always pretending everything was alright.
I never accepted my faults.
Not a big deal?
The problem with hiding them is that you can’t connect with others because your ‘perfect’ and pretty much like a plain cardboard. Our fears, insecurities and short comings are what make us human and help us connect with others. Accept them, expose yourself and they no longer have power over you. I struggled with holding meaningful relationships throughout life because I always wanted to please everyone so I hid my faults, and in doing so, I put myself in the back seat and let others decide were my life went for me.
That day while watching YouTube, I decided that I would travel the world and show other addicts that it is possible for even a severe addict to turn their life’s around into an adventurous life.
Watching these YouTube videos gave me a thirst for an adventurous life. Slowly I began to make progress towards recovery and started listening to my heart even though this mission, let alone beating addiction, seemed impossible! let alone terrifying!
WHAT HAPPENED AFTERWORDS?
It would be around 3 months for me to decide and build up the courage to disclose my addiction to someone for the first time, and another 5 week to bring myself to telling my parents about my struggles.
From there on, I pushed fear aside again and began fapnosity, a movement devoted to inspiring and motivation addicts to leave addiction behind and pursue something greater in life.
I’ve had many ups and downs but have kept moving forward, facing my fears only to find out that behind that fear was a blessing.
My final message to you.
I want to invite you to start thinking about living new life. A life out of your daily routine, a life full of friendships and exciting adventures. Remember, all big things have small beginnings. Recovery is not about stopping from one day to the next. Recovery is about walking this path which builds your character and along the way as you walk, your chains will begin to fall of.